Tuesday, April 26, 2011

"Dropping the Ball"

I am now 30 and i have been doing a lot of self research and reflection.... like a mug. And believe me it has not all been pretty or beautiful. One of the factors I put down is that I wanted to become a better friend to others. Meaning I wanted to follow through better with not only my own goals but with responsibilities. I have been dealing with the fact that at times I work super hard, follow through on things, but then all of a sudden I will just like "drop the ball".  So I decided to type this blogg for people who tend to "drop the ball". 

When I am overwhelmed in my life I do not want to work. I just want to escape and do nothing but rest and pretend that whatever problems I have will go away if I simply ignore it. 
This is a common problem that most people have, but nothing will get doen if you rest. You won't accomplish your goals. You won't become a boss by ignoring issues. You have to learn how to face those issues and do something about the problems in the times that you feel overwhelmed or else you will continue to let yourself and those around down! Way Down! 

1. Of course you have to admit that there is a problem 
2. Find some sort of solution to that problem 
3. Develop a plan to get to that solution 
4. Face the orignal problem.. which led to you being overwhelmed 

It sounds simple right! But I say develop a self reflection process to help you! 
For example : Oh I am overwhelmed again, but 1, 2, 3 still need to get done. What is my back-up plan. 

Sometimes it is figuring out what maks us not "followthrough". Is it: 
1. fear 
2. laziness 
3. not wanting the responsibility 
4. we are too afraid to say "no", I can't do that right now. 
5. we don't want to look bad.. so so we get overwhelmed. 
6. Maybe you just don't have a passion for what you doing. (you hate your work)

In my case escaping and running away has always been the way that I have coped with things... for jobs to relationships, to friendships. It is my own way of dealing with my own emotional overload. I have had to learn that either way I am still letting down the people that I love, respect, and care about me. 
I had to ask myself the following questions. 
-What about leadership is scary 
-What is scary about success
-What is scary about responsibility
-Why don't you want to move forward? 

I had to eventually tell myself that I could no longer run away anymore. That I need to develop a plan where and go extra hard, even to my overwhelmed crazy state of mind moments and continue to  accomplish each step. 

I hope that this read inspires someone to move forward. 
Be blessed..
Live Free

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Da Draws- Part II- Incest

In the woman you have the true church of God! Why, because there is no other temple that man can enter and come out with new life. If her mate enters her mind with the true love and light of God, then all that she creates will reflect that immaculate concept. 

Unfortunately, men, as whole, have become morally impotent. When a man puts no worthy spiritual cultivation in the soil of the woman, he receives no worthy harvest; nothing that will insure his divine immortality. -Queen Afua...

The above passages is from the book called Overcoming an Angry Vagina! It is after a lot of passages of many women that have shared stories of their womb experiences from- hemorrhaging, hysterectomies, rape, incest, miscarriage, bad diet, menopause...etc...

Da Draws part II....incest....

A touchy subject but I really believe that this is a subject that the African community continues to push under the table. It is the hardest because it involves so many peoples feelings and beliefs. 
This story comes from the the little girls point of view. 

Every year my cousin (who is like a brother to me) asks me  are you coming to the family reunion this year? And every year i am like "why so that i can see a bunch of child molesters and rapist? I'm good."

My first family reunion i remember looking at all of the women and they all had these faces of sadness. None of them wanted to stay with their fathers. They all wanted to stay with another relative. I remember it clearly partially because it was the only reunion I ever attended and it was the year that my daddy called me a "bitch" on the front steps of the church right after preaching a sermon. It was the year that i found out family's dirty secret. Sure we were well off, into politics owned properties, health facilities... etc, but we had a secret..the men liked to molest little girls.

When i was little i had the most horrible relationship with my dad. He was never around.
So I had this Uncle (dad's cousin) who went to my church at the time who looked a lot like my dad. I put all of my pride in him because he was everything that my dad wasn't a father and husband to his family. 
He would always tell me that he had a daughter that i reminded him a lot of. I remember asking him "what happened to her?" He said to me "she doesn't speak to me anymore". 
I always wondered why they didn't speak. I could not imagine a daughter not speaking to a "nice man" like him. He was just that.. a really nice man. I remember some Sunday mornings he would give me hugs and would like feel on my ass. I remember thinking to myself " is that okay? I mean it is my uncle, right?" I did not know what to do. I felt so uncomfortable every time that this would happen because I had no one else to turn to. 
As i look back at it i feel like damn.. you ass whole you felt me up dude.. more than once! And in "the church" of all places! It makes me wonder what happened to other little girls in church.  Strangely enough these experiences began to stop when my mom began dating my stepfather. I guess my uncle was afraid of that good ass whoopin'. At least I found out why his daughter didn't speak to him.

I have never shared this story with anyone in my family, not even my mother.
I remember I was about 28 years old and my mother said "your uncle is sick. You should go by the hospital and go see him." I just remember saying "i will not go and see him." There was a strange silence.
All I could remember was my dad's(stepfather) worrisome expression and i proceeded to go upstairs to the bedroom.

The draws part II is about having to take off your draws when you necessarily don't want to. ...When women are taken advantage of in ways that are much worse than this.... When girls are repeatedly raped and molested by their dad's, uncles, brothers or cousins. What do we do then? In what state are our children born?

Our children are healing from much more than what they are facing.. they are having to heal from what their mothers and fathers have faced as well.

No Daddy! Stop! No Stop!....I just remember crying repeatedly over and over again! I was 22 years old and this was a memory or vision that was coming back to me. This is something that was suppressed in my soul for lifetimes it seems. It came as the answer to this question "Why did I hate my father(birth father) so much?" I had so much pain in my heart and i didn't know where it came from. And when i got the answer I hated him even more. I went into a complete utter depression. 

I got up the nerve to call him on the phone and ask him "Did you ever molest me?" He said, "What!" I said "You heard me. Did you ever molest  me when i was little? I need to know the truth dad!" 

My father was a chronic lier. Everything he said was a lie. He would lie about everything!

He was silent for a minute and then he responded angrily. "How dare you call up here and ask me something like that! I would kill a nigga if he ever put his hands on you! I didn't like nobody touching you but me! Your crazy ass momma and (step dad's name) put you up to this didn't they. I knew she was cheatin on me.. and blah blah blah blah blah, 

I recall being angry because this nigga started talking about my mother and you know i just hung up in his face. I didn't know what to think. All i knew is that he was mad that I had called him and asked him. I don't feel like I got an answer. I was angry and now my father was angry!  I didn't know why he was so angry.  I became even more sad.

Many months passed I went to therapy and continued going to sister circle meetings where i found to get the most healing.  
I had a dream about my father's mother and grandmother and she said that because I came looking for her "she now knew that i had loved my father".  The very next day my father called and told me that when he was little his father used to molest his sister, my aunt. He said it was the most horrible thing because he felt powerless. He felt like he wasn't a man because he could not protect his sister like a big brother should be able to do. After saying these words my father burst out into tears crying. He said "I never would touch you in any way. When you called asking me those questions. I was hurt because it reminded me of what I experienced as a child. I kept asking myself how did you know? I just want you to know that I love you and that I would not allow anything to happen to any of my children. I would go back to jail before i would let a man touch my child."  
All i could do is think of my aunt who at the time was an alcoholic. . She died a year later from a wasted liver still in pain from all that she experienced.  Her daughter..is an alcoholic too.

I write this story for all families who have experienced incest. It hurts both men and women. Women and men are made to feel powerless and carry this powerlessness into their adulthood.  Pain is passed on through the semen and through the wombs in which our children are born.

Yet we still wonder why are our children so angry why are our women so willing to accept men who are unworthy or our wombs? It is a pattern created long before our birth. It is a ritual that needs to be broken.  More men and women need to gather the strength to speak out in numbers about this issue, because it eats away at not only our families, but it is eating our communities and the society that we are creating for the future.

People who i have shared this story with always ask..well were you molested? I say.. "I don't know." All I know is that my soul carried this memory from somewhere and it was left for me to deal with it and heal from it and do my best to help others who have experienced much worse heal from it as well.

Brothers and sisters. We are healing together. Say prayers for those still holding onto this pain. Pray that they can let go of it and allow love to flow into their lives. Pray that they be uplifted.

Post Update-
Two days after writing this post my father (birth father) called me with a sound mind and spirit. He stated that he had been sober for 3 months. I am proud that he is embarking on the journey of sobriety.  Keep our family in your prayers. Thanks for all of the love sent. 

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Da Draws Part 1

This was a response Note to the responses i got from posting this particular face book update
"why do brothas always feel like they have to floss just to impress a girl? i don't get it. just be truthful from jump.. that's how you get the draws"
  • Obari Cartman the same reason women lie about thier appearance from drop. its all theater.
    Yesterday at 12:41pm · · 1 person
  • Justin Dillard Whtevr. Even whn we do tht yall are still always on some other type stuff. Nice guys finish last remember?
    Yesterday at 12:54pm · · 1 person
  • Auᚁ Mu Ra ‎| For some, it's all about the "Rooster Strut" or "Peacocking" until the truth is revealed. Either you're dope or not. In my estimation and experience most of y'all's [Yes, I said "y'all's"...and I do mean Sisters...] draws are attached to major heart/headaches anyway. Keep 'em on until you can come real and correct!
    10 hours ago ·
  • Justin Dillard ‎(Frank Lucus voice) My man!!!!!!!

I am so glad to get so many responses about this. This was definitely came from a vengeful and dark place that i do have against men who feel that they can impress me with foolishness so that they can get "da draws". But i realize that it is not their fault completely. I realize that we both/ men and women have a huge issue when trying to just relate to one another. We are so ready to blame the other for this misfortune. (look at the responses) Society has taught women & men that a man should do this, this, and this, and then maybe he can have "the draws", but if he does this, this and this. Then he shouldn't get "yo draws".
Amun Ra.. I agree totally with you about the draws and the heart attachment and that is because the womb and the heart are naturally attached, that is why women and men should be choosy about who they want to carry on their "heart/bloodline" meaning who they want to create the next generation with, because yes there are a lot of headaches that come along with that for both men and women.
Now as far as the "men be flossing" part my and "the women are on some other stuff" part: We are taught that in order to get the guy or the girl we have to fit in some box or some category of some sort..
Society teaches one thing.. and yo mama..or daddy if you have one may teach you another thing.
I just want women to basically see the difference between a guy trying to just "get the draws" and a guy looking for "his wife" and i would like for men to see the difference between a woman who is looking for" her husband" and a woman who is just trying to "get laid".
Every person is not clear about what they want. Lots and lots of people meet some one to "get to know them" but have no clue on why they want to get to know them. They don't have any pre-thought on what they want in a mate. They just meet people have sex with them and if it works out then it does and if it doesn't then it doesn't. Sort of like trial and error with no end result in mind. What i am saying is that if you don't go into a relationship knowing what needs you want to get out of it then it's only gone end up in "the draws", or a new baby mama/or daddy/ or a new drawsma.
The reason we are attracted to people is because we want to get the draws.. animal instincts, and bodily needs right (this can be conscious or subconscious)- The Law of Draws Attraction... thats right.. we are attracted to the draws.. both spiritual invisible draws and physical draws.
But what about beyond the draws? In order to attract someone beyond the draws you have to think beyond the draws, and that is where most are stuck. We can not think beyond "da draws".
The brother that i was referring to yesterday was a brother that was not thinking beyond "the draws", which is why i said the statement about the draws .. because that was the level that brother and a lot of brothers/sisters are on "da draws"..
I personally do not see a problem with that if you are being truthful to yourself.
In the past i have not been truthful with myself about "the draws".. because i wanted something deeper than the damn draws.. and have settled for the draws.
Now why did it do that? Simple answer.. i wanted something deeper than "da draws" and thought.. hey! maybe some magic may occur here and i might get more than the draws!....
People you have to set real intentions for relationships before you even meet the person. You have to have some idea of what you want first. If that shit is not in line then move on.. that is for both men and women.
I have so much more i could write on this subject... but i think that i will stop here and let you all respond honestly.. and I thank you for responding so honestly.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Alfie's Theme

Alfies Theme..Left thigh slightly brushes against the right. Red shoes... fishnets...tightly fitted dress.. voice like a goddess.. but you see.. I haven't made her sing yet.... just a thought... every woman that moves the crowd to her rhythm must be song in human form.... I didn't know blues could metamorphisize....

I wish i could play her like my sax... chromatically on a dorian scale...maybe make her locrian side come out a little.. shit.. she sure is callin to me....

I listen to the way she speaks. her voices and beats in rhythms, every mumble in a groovy tempo.. moving subtly.. making me climax.. i have to take a deep breath to control the wetness dripping from my body..
I am left tingling.. sensing the fairy dust that has just been sprinkled over me...

Alfie's Theme... by Gira Dahnee

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Stefon Harris & Blackout- Urbanus

It was a warm night for November in Chicago... just before I enter the infamous Jazz Showcase in the south loop I see them... members of the the contemporary jazz group Blackout! I felt shy at first because I was the only female in a mix of male musicians. Did I mention all of them are just as handsome and polite as can be!

They begin the set with a song.. that was entitled "For You" written by Casey. I have never seen the vocoder played so... romantically. And Stefon Harris on the vibes and marimba.. was majestic. Each phrase and change i felt on so many different levels. People,..... i not only heard them play.... it's like I felt them play. It was like I was the instrument.. and they were playing me! Each note found a part on my body.. and began to protrude through my soul leaving me at this high. Sometimes I found myself just lost..in the tune...in places known and unknown. And yes that was just off of one song in the set! Just imagine the rest of the show!

I must say if you have not bought the Urbanus Album.. you are missing out on great music.. I think right now my two fav's right now are "Langston's Lullaby".. and "The Afterthought", but I love every tune on this album.. and that's rare!

Go to stefonharris.com for info on where to buy his album and for details on up and coming shows check out his myspace page.

Remember: Just live life to the fullest.. it's never to late to live out your dreams! **
~Gira Dahnee
also on twitter @GiraDahnee

Monday, August 10, 2009

Max Well Bad Habbits


Hey if you have not peeped out the new Maxwell single Bad habits. Definitely do so! I love how he begins the song using his falsetto voice ( high voice) and then goes into the chest voice. The piano on here is simple yet soothing. When playing it myself on the keyboard I could see how this began probably as a simple ballad. But I love the progression this song takes. It gives you just enough to inquire what's next!

The percussion and horns in the second verse make you just want to get down dance and do the do all @ one time! The horns so provide an element of live instrumentation that is really works with the percussion of the tune as well as Maxwell's sultry vocals.

What can I say the man's a genius! Keep it up Maxwell. We're glad you are back